A 10am push back on Saturday morning and the weather (and the fantasy podcast) not on our side as the day approached, we thought it might be one short day, but after an early pitch inspection we realised nothing would bring us down.

Facing St Albans, who we have previously had a great track record against, but with last weeks unexpected draw against bottom of the league on our shoulders - was something bad, happening in Brox?

The squad gathered in the changing rooms, thankfully nobody feeling green. The team were excited for the return of Emily and Beth, who have recently been break-dancing through life, but were missing Lauren (in Munchkin Land for the weekend), Kelly (in Winkie Country for the day) and Gemma, at University of Shiz for a lesson in magic which we understand went horribly wrong. We headed out to the pitch with the Wizard of Brox, the Grimmerie and the umpiring duo of Madame Morrible and Doctor Dillamond.

Battling the wind and rain, Brox got off to a wicked start with the first Goalinda from trusty Ella-phaba, followed very quickly by Jess with Goalinda number 2; both on whom we can rely.

Substitutions received a quick lesson from the Wizard, including popular Millie - her whole life about to change.

Back on the pitch, gliding through the opposition on her broomstick and levitating into the D, the ball found its way round the GK hitting the backboard. Another Goalinda, what is this feeling?!

3-0 up at half time and a positive team talk from popular Captain and Wizard of Brox, the only thing casting a spell on us was the weather and lack of sweets - but that still wasn’t going to bring us down.

Shortly after the restart, Vic (still on the search for her Fiyero) perfectly placed the ball between the GK’s legs to bring home another Goalinda. She wanted to celebrate but she’s not that girl. Instead her stick defied gravity and hit a St Albans player in the face; earning her on-pitch donkey.

Goodness knows how unlucky the break-dancing through life sisters Beth and Emily were, casting spell after spell but none successful. Eventually Beth converted to make it 5-0 - she was so happy she could have melt!

St Albans, like the Witch of the West, were thrown a bucket of water and defeated 5-0. No one mourns the wicked!

Student of the day went to popular Millie and when people see her they will screEmily.

The majority of the donkey votes went to Vic for her gravity defying moment, but was overruled in the classroom due to Isobel’s incapability to count and as she was heading off to the Western Sky later that day, it seemed a fitting send off.

On Saturday we head to the Emerald City of Saffron Walden, on the hunt for more Goalindas, Fiyero and no more wickedness.

Together with the Wizard of Brox, we are unlimited.

Mens 2s vs Letchworth 2 - 4-2 win

Goal scorers: Browny, Phil, Satwick & Kav Jnr
Assists: Phil, Baller & Cranners x2
Player: Phil & Stu
Donkey: Joe

After 2 weeks on the road, the 2s returned to a wet and windy Badgers field. With a large squad, the pressure was on to continue the impressive form under the interim leadership of Jack. Fans' favourite Riggers was still out injured, and you could feel the crowds disappointment at this news. However, PC Ruddy was back to ensure that we all stayed within the law.

A fast start was the request from Browny, and the boy did he deliver. A great interception from Bobby, who fed Baller who unusually didn't go to the spectacular and just let Browny take the ball to storm through with his twinkle toes and with laser precision nail it onto the bottom corner. Who needs Riggers when you have Browny.

All was required now was a few minutes of controlled possession, but the fast start now went into reverse. A missed cross field pass exposed the Badgers' back line, and somehow, the ball then found the back of the net. 1-1, and we hadn't even had 5 mins.

At this point, the bench was unloaded for the first of many times during the game.
High-quality hockey was in short supply, although there were a couple of lovely cross field passes from Satwick and Stu.

The call before the game was for more short corners, and on this, the team delivered.
However, with Browny taking a well-deserved break on the sidelines, what would the Badgers do. Step up Cranners and Phil. What a routine. Perfect stop on top of the D, and then a deceptive bobbler towards goal from Phil, which Kav Jnr launched into the goal.

Would this settle the Badgers down? Not really, the young kids in the Letchworth front line were still making muggs of Will and Stu. Although Stu overall performance, according to an independent observer, described it as magical. OK, it was Stu.

Brox kept pressing, and another short corner was won. Up stepped the dynamic duo Cranners and Phil, and this time, Phil powered the ball through the keepers' legs. 3-1 up, surely now the Badgers would go on and dominate the game.

The less the said about the 2nd half, the better, multiple substitutions disrupted the flow of the team, and chance after chance was spurned. Kav Jnr, Baller, and Bobby all guilty, plus countless others. Luckily, a 4th goal was converted from the p spot by balls of steel Satwick. This was fortunate as a few minutes later Letchworth with a rare foray into the D, after a distinct lack of tackling crossed the ball and our illustrious keeper managed to contrive to let the ball bounce off the back of his foot and into the goal.

The game then ebbed and flowed, but it was clear Brow really weren't at the races. There was a minute of excitement when Jake showed tremendous skill to round a player and you could sense the anticipation rising in the crowd, but alas the cheering had clearly gone to his head and he ended up falling off the pitch.

There was relief all round when the final whistle blew. A 4-2 win was disappointing, but it continues the great run the team has been on. Next week, a tough contest against Bedford 2's awaits.

There was a resounding win for Joe as DOD and magical Stu and Phil shared the MOM honours.

Ladies 4s vs Letchworth 3 - 4-1 loss

Goal scorer: Frankie
Player: Kate
Donkey: Lauren

Cold Wet Windy.

Today we played in what felt like minus 30 with a touch of heavy rain at points and awful winds.. no one was blown away.

Frankie scored a sick goal. It was very quiet when she scored I believe we were all very shocked that we had managed to find the back board.

First half wasn’t our greatest. Thank god for Kate! We don’t really need to discuss it the only bit worth mentioning was Lauren helping letchworth score. Oops.

Second half saw the team come out and it looked like we really wanted to get some goals this half but with a strong letchworth side we couldn’t make it happen.

Really good work on the right from Aaliyah and Alice in the middle today.

Lots of things to improve and learn but the team carried on right to the end.

Player goes to Kate for excellent goal saves and saving us from the score being way more.

Donkey goes to Lauren for helping letchworth score.

Mens 3s vs Shefford & Sandy 2 - 4-1 win

Goal scorers: Russ, KP, Elliot & Wyatt
Assists: Russ x2, KP & Tom
Player: Trevor
Donkey: Andy

Elliot (one of the many Elliots in the team and club, who knows how many there really are!) got the M3s off to their scoring start against top of the league Shefford and sandy, by plucking a nice rebound shot past the keeper following a ball in from KP, who was on best behaviour as his second game as new mens 3s captain, from the right corner.

1-0 up at half time

Russ found some wayward energy and decided to go for a rouge run 50 yards from centre back to give the ball to Wyatt in front of the goal for another well deserved goal.

A short corner gave KP the opportunity to put a drag flick straight to the GKs stick. Lucky for KP the GK only deflected it to the inside of their own cross-bar and it fell in for a goal. Stick stop assist went to Russ much to feed into the controversial fantasy league assist points rules.

Final Brox goal was a strike from Russ into the bottom corner of the goal, when he once again found himself a little lost in the attacking D, but therefore unmarked for a shot on goal, sending the crowds wild in the stand.

They also scored a goal at some point, but nobody remembers that. Spectators tried to remember the score at the end of the game and all got it wrong.

Final score 4-1.

Away fixtures

Ladies 3s vs Shefford & Sandy 2 - 0-0 draw

Player: Alice
Donkey: Jane
Cards: Jane (green)

The Ladies 3s travelled to a very windy Sandy town to play Shefford & Sandy. As Storm Bert was picking up momentum, the Broxbourne ladies received their early Christmas present of branded dry robes courtesy of Sharon. The first half started well for Broxbourne with most of the dominant play and several short corners, but Shefford & Sandy closed down our play quickly giving us little space to get through. Broxbourne played a good passing game and attacked the goal on many occasions, but the Shefford & Sandy goalkeeper was able to keep the ball out of their goal.

After a half time tactical talk, Broxbourne went out with more grit and effort to win the ball. Broxbourne continued to win numerous short corners and breaks in open play but just couldn't get the ball past the keeper. Broxbourne fought hard to win lost balls but frustration started to grow and eventually Fixy received a green card for backchat to the umpire (though we think it was intended for Captain Hannah for her more colourful language moments before). Shefford & Sandy took their limited chances nearing the end of game, but no goals were going in for either side. The game ended with a 0-0 draw, slightly disappointing for the 3s but meant their first clean sheet of the season!

Player went to Alice for her great running in midfield and not giving up.
Donkey of course went to Fixy for her first green card (after saying pre-game that ‘the 3s don’t get cards’).

Ladies 1s vs Ipswich 1 - 2-2 draw

Goal scorers: Kay & Becky
Assists: Alice & Em
Player: Hannah
Donkey: Alice
Cards: Em (green)

Ladies 1s one pointer come back

The Ladies 1s made their travels to Ipswich, where they faced their old national league rivals. Both sides have struggled for points in recent weeks, and Broxbourne still sitting bottom of the league, the Badgers were hungry for a positive outcome. With preparation for the match severely hampered by the weather, the team opted for a throwback zoom meeting on Wednesday evening to discuss tactics ahead of the game. Unfortunately, host turned guest Ellie Welsh faced multiple technical challenges, blaming the rest of the squad for not endorsing Microsoft Teams. Luckily, the team had plenty of time to discuss tactics on the two hour bus journey, where they product tested the new Broxbourne dry robes merch in sub zero conditions. As they arrived at the oppositions ground, "Dreary AF", they were joined by additional teammates Laura Wills and Lara Luka, who had been conducting her Petrol Awareness Course as she prepares to take her driving test next year.

After a wind swept warm up, the game began, and it seemed the Badgers hopes of a positive outcome were not looking fruitful as Ipswich dominated the first half. There were glimpses of hope as link up play between Emily Wilkins and Nads Wheadon won a corner for Broxbourne, only to be complety fluffed by fourth stick stopper Alice Brown. Browns performance continued to decline over the first half as the centre mid avagered a 0% conversion rate on passing, resulting in the back four stepping in to save her on multiple occasions. Despite strong defensive play from Charlotte Skipp, Victoria Stacey, Becky Scarrott and a welcomed return to Pip Evans, Ipswich earned two corners deep into the first half which they successfully converted to leave the home team 2-0 up at half time.

However, with the half time team talk focused on triangles, triangles, triangles, the badger channeled the concept into the second half with an attacking press to earn crucial short corners. The first set up resulted in goals from the Brown - Scarrott conversion of "do you take it up... the right corner" routine to bring back the score to 2-1. Just moments later Wills broke down the back like with Wilkins for yet a second corner where the squad opted for a ping, pang, pong option which led to Kay Finch to firing home a second goal for the Badgers to secure a 2-2 final score. The final moments of the game were dominated by Browns discretion in hairccare which led the centre mid to a Tarzan esque situation which gen Zs Luka and Martha Kerr determined as "embarrassing at best". Luckily despite the said downfall, Kerr stepped up her game on the bus home to restoren faith in the ladies 1s squad comedic value.

Player went to the iron wall of Hannah Baker, who despite errors predicting the games weather, turned up in her heels to close the game out. Further mention to GK Kim Hellery returning from international gold medal to inspire the Badgers 1s for positive points outcomes for future games to come. Tune in next week where they take on Cambridge City 3s at home.

Ladies 5s vs Shefford & Sandy 3 - 4-0 loss

Player: Sharon & Lorraine

It’s going to be a short one today as I have had to censor what I write in order to not lose my journalistic responsibilities……

We braved ‘Bert’ today and took a trip up North – it’s cold up North eh?!? – well, we were at Sandy but seemed like a long way. With a squad of just 12 – a lovely mix of youth and experience…. – we had to delay the start slightly due to some of us getting stuck in some hideous traffic through Stevenage.

It went a bit downhill from there. Dan won us a short corner after just 2 minutes but we weren’t able to convert it. After this Shefford and Sandy showed us some significant skills for a division 6 team – some very handy players they have there… and we went in at half time 3-0 down.

Unfortunately, we were now a little rattled. Some calming words at the half time talk meant we started the second half making the best of the situation. The girls pulled together really well, especially as we had a shift around of positions for this match, and we managed to put in a great 35 minutes. We only conceded 1 in the second half which they got from a short.

On the whole, we played well as a team and it was a shame that we have come away feeling rather disappointed.

Player went to Lorraine for yet another solid defensive performance and Sharon – not sure for what… maybe just surviving 70 minutes as centre mid ?

Onwards and upwards – well played.

Mens 4s vs Hertford 6 - 1-0 win

Goal scorer: Wayne
Assists: Luke
Player: Ryan BA & Luke

Broxbourne 4s took on division 7SW leaders Hertford 6 at a blustery Simon Balle pitch on Saturday. The traditional loss of toss worked in our favour as Hertford rather confusingly chose to have both push-back and to stay as we were in warm-up, which we didn't argue with as that was our preferred choice of end with wind at our backs in the second half. Our huge squad and good availability meant four people were not selected (thanks to them for patience and understanding) and we had a full complement of 5 subs, managed ably by Kieron O.
The game started with Brox confidently moving the ball around with Hertford making only occasional threats to our goal that were dealt with comfortably by Ryan and his defence. We maintained that level of performance throughout the half and created several good chances with James in particular coming very close to scoring, with one shot glancing off a post. At half-time it was still scoreless but the team's performance was such that any neutral watching would have thought Brox were top of the division.
The second half progressed with an even more dominant performance with most of it played out in the Hertford half. Again good chances were created and signs of increasing effectiveness in the D were evident as several short corners were won (Harrison winning two). We eventually got our reward when Luke slapped a ball into the D from midfield at pace that Wayne glanced inside the far post. We kept pushing for a second but it didn't come and Hertford came close to getting a totally undeserved equaliser from a short corner, but Oakley was on hand at the post to block and push onto a Hertford foot.
A great result, thoroughly deserved, and a great team performance!

Mens 1s vs Ipswich 1 - 1-0 loss

Player: Stan & Henry
Donkey: Ed

Broxbourne suffer ‘wee’ loss to Ipswich despite strong performance.

Broxbourne men’s and ladies 1’s arrived bright and early at the club to take a Mega bus to Ipswich for a club day out. Birthday boy Mitch Chapman earned himself an early dart after being late for the 8:45 meet time. Both teams got on the 70 seater bus and with the extra seats in mind, the boys and girls made sure they sat nowhere near each other, in true broxbourne fashion. This tactical play was later deemed a success as the vital team building the ladies did, resulted in a well earned 2-2 draw against high flying Ipswich. The comradery on the bus was high. Despite this, Ed House was unjustifiably punished for his speaker running out of charge 20 minutes from Ipswich. Due to the team’s lack of inventiveness and short term memory, they would later vote this as ‘dick of the day worthy’.

Once arrived in Ipswich, the team was hit with heavy winds and extremely low temperatures. Luckily for Hoppo Snr and Stanley Mason, they had taken out a mortgage to buy the brand new state of the art Broxbourne dry ropes to keep them warm. The energy in the camp was high and positive, despite only having 12 players. The team completed a vigorous warm up and were ready to take on the challenge.

With the words ‘just go out and play’ and ‘enjoy yourself’ projected from both the skipper and the coach and the out pouring of emotion from fire blanket Josh Chapman who told the remaining 11 players, that he wouldn’t want to share the pitch with anyone else, the team were motivated and raring to go.

After these wise words, Broxbourne came flying out the traps with Ipswich shocked at the intensity and aggressiveness the badgers were showing. Broxbourne had a real purpose down the right hand side with tricky right back George Blemkin bamboozling the Ipswich defence and firing balls into the D in which Ipswich were just about dealing with. Another great chance fell to skipper Phil whose high press resulted in him stealing the ball off of a Ipswich midfielder and was presented with a one on one chance with the Ipswich goal keeper. The goalie just managed to get a stick to the ball as Phil tried to take it round him, sparing the blushes of the Ipswich midfielder. Broxbourne would carry on their dominance, winning two short corners in quick succession but failed to capitalise. Despite this, Ipswich’s long ball approach finally paid dividends with their centre back crashing a ball up the pitch which connected with the Ipswich forward who burst into the D and despite Ryan’s original save, the deflection fell to another Ipswich player who was making a late run into the D and slammed the ball into the empty net.

The half time whistle blew with the Badgers 1-0 down but with their heads high. The message very much the same from both captain and coach Panners who was very impressed with the efforts and endeavours of the 12 men of broxbourne. The second half began very much the same as the first, with Broxbourne on the ascendancy and Ipswich offering very little rather than a prime Stoke City long ball up to the big man which Broxbourne were doing a very good job cutting out. Left back Henry House was having a great game down the left flank, with two very neat reverse stick crosses in the D which only just evaded the forwards who were waiting at the back post. More short corners would follow with Brox running out of time to find an equaliser. A flick just past the post by Mitch Chapman and a failed slip left ended Brox’s chances of finding that well deserved point on the road.

The game finished 1-0 with Ipswich clearly relieved to be taking all 3 points. Despite being gutted to not take anything from the game, the message post match was a feeling of pride and motivation to take that performance into much more crucial games against Letchworth and Stortford to come before the Christmas break. Exceptional performances all over the pitch from the Badgers, particularly from deputising centre back Stan Mason who received man of the match and forward/midfielder Toby House.

With spirits still high, three man ensued in the bar afterwards and drinks were flowing on the bus back to Broxbourne. In fact, too many drinks were consumed with most of the first team coming up with inventive ways to empty their bladders without stopping the bus. Once back to Broxbourne, the team celebrated Mitch Chapman’s birthday with multiple malozades and lots of topless dancing. On to next week, where the first team host Letchworth.

Sunday 24th November

Mens O35s vs Welwyn Garden City O35s - 6-3 win

Goal scorers: Shane, Lance, Simon x2, Browny, Cranners

Coming up next weekend...

Saturday 30th November

Home fixtures
10am - Ladies 5s vs St Albans 8
11.30am - Ladies 3s vs Berko & Hemel 3
1pm - Ladies 1s vs Cambridge City 3
2.30pm - Mens 1s vs Letchworth 1
4pm - Mens 4s vs Luton Town 3

Away fixtures
12pm - Ladies 2s vs Saffron Walden 2
1pm - Mens 2s vs Bedford 2
2pm - Ladies 4s vs Bishop's Stortford 7
2.30pm - Mens 3s vs Rickmansworth