Broxbourne 4s returned to badger field for a local derby v Hertford 7. Hertford had won the previous meeting 3-2, and the home side were looking for revenge. From a squad of 20, 19 had made themselves available for selection, so difficult decisions were made during the week, to whittle this number down to 16.

The home side started the brighter, with forwards Harrison and veteran Andy B, causing havoc in the visitors defence. Bourke had a goal bound shot, deflected into the keepers pads by moorhouse, and then onto a defenders foot for a penalty corner. AJ had his effort saved by the keeper, but from the resulting long corner, the ball was worked well around the Hertford defence to allow Bourke to set up Wayne to open the scoring. Broxbourne forced some further saves from the Hertford keeper, but couldn’t double their lead.

As the home side made their first set of 5 substitutions, the visitors grabbed hold of the game, and fired in 2 quick goals, to take an undeserved lead. Broxbourne rallied and had the better of the play for the remainder of the half, with Logan, Joseph and Henry combining well down the right flank, with Oakley, Danny and Alex counter attacking down the left.
As half time approached, Broxbourne took advantage from a penalty corner, to equalise through Kieron P. HT 2-2

The second half had barely got going, when Hertford retook the lead, which seemed to baffle the backline of Jason, Kieran O and keeper Ryan. Back came the home side, playing some great flowing hockey, forcing several penalty corners, but not converting them. However, it wasn’t too long before the equaliser came, a strong run from Luke, through the centre of the pitch, opened up a through ball to Henry who fired into the corner.

Injury to AJ, forced the home side to rearrange players, with Wayne and Kieron P, having to play longer in the midfield, than expected, and Connor rotating in the forward line. The game was end to end, a joy for the spectators, however Hertford created and scored 2 more of their chances, to roll out 5-3 victors.

A throughly enjoyable game, played with great tenacity and respect on both sides, however the home side were left disappointed once more.

Ladies 4s vs Harpenden 3 - 1-1 draw

Goal scorer: Annie
Assist: Freya
Player: Freya
Donkey: Jen

Broxbourne Ladies 4s played out an intense 1-1 draw at the badger field against Harpenden in a hard-fought match that saw both teams battle it out to secure a point.

The game began with plenty of energy, and Broxbourne’s first goal came after a short corner. Freya’s powerful shot was blocked by an opposition defender on the line, resulting in a penalty flick. Annie confidently stepped up to take the flick and made no mistake, calmly slotting the ball past the goalkeeper to give Broxbourne the lead.

Harpenden responded with a goal of their own, capitalising on a short corner. Their strike levelled the score at 1-1, and despite efforts from both teams, that was how it remained at half-time.

The second half was equally competitive, with both sides creating chances, but neither able to break the deadlock. Broxbourne's attacking play, led by Freya, was relentless, and she was awarded Player of the Match for her tireless running, all-around contribution, and her near-miss in front of goal.

Other mentions went to Annie, Lily, Ella, Callia and Frankie demonstrating the full team effort that was on display in this game.

Jen was named Donkey for the second week in a row after hitting the ball of the back line resulting in a penalty corner.

The game finished with the score tied at 1-1, and both teams walked away with a point.

Ladies 2s vs Blueharts 2 - 4-2 win

Goal scorers: Lisa, Charlotte, Beth & Lara
Assist: Lara x2, Vic & Lydia
Player: Lisa
Donkey: Lisa

"Sometimes it’s the people no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.”

68 minutes on the clock. Star injector Lara Luka stands dejected on the sideline....a sideline she had only just dribbled over seconds earlier. She looks wistfully at the vacant injection mark, a tear brought to her eye as she gestures at centre back Lisa Banahan to take her place in the attacking short corner. Banahan steps up, no hesitation. After 12 long seasons as a badger, no goals, no assists. Just defending, transferring, fashion consulting. Countless donkey votes. Minimal player votes (probably mistaken donkey votes).

The crowd sighs when they see Banahan slowly plod up, realising Luka could take no part in this corner and the Badgers chances of scoring had plummeted in an instant. Luka could barely watch as she skimmed through the mark scheme to a tricky integration maths question in the dugout. Internationally renowned stick stopper Gemma Wilkinson accompanied Luka on the sideline, albeit in the naughty corner of the dugout under the instructions of captain Millie Leonard. She distracted herself from watching her deputy, Baz Wilkins, take position, by ordering a pink dress online to wear for Millie's 30th that evening.

40 seconds to go. Masks on. 3-2 to the Badgers. The crowd knew that 4th goal would close the game out. But the Badgers were down to their B short corner line-up.

Banahan crouches in the injection position. Risin' up....

It's been a journey. A collapsed lung...but now she's back on the street. She's done her time, got fit(er) and taken her chances with some wide-fit jeans. She's gone the distance and now she's back on her feet. Just a two time player of the season and her will to survive....

The injection sails out like a train in the night. So many times, it happens too fast
You trade your passion for glory. But Baz Wilkins made no mistake. A clean stop, like stopping a train in the night. She delivered the perfect platform for striker Vic Boulton who didn't lose her grip on the dreams of the past social evening rendez-vous, and gave the ball a massive welly at the goal. Smack.

But the final twist...the Blueharts defender saves Boulton's strike on the line!

Step in stage left. Injector Banahan back in the game, risin' up to the challenge of her masked rival on the line. Like a last known survivor, stalking her prey in the night. She waited. Waited until the ball rebounded....and....boom. 4-2. Game over.

Luka threw her scientific calculator in the air in glee as Wilkinson approved her card transaction with a new hope. Millie Leonard phoned her mum "Jane we won!!!".

The Broxbourne Ladies 2s had gained a crucial 3 points and lie 4 points clear at the top of the league. They had a brilliant start to the game, with Charlotte Hartwig-Green scoring from a straight strike to a short corner minutes after the starting whistle blew. This was backed up by a second goal only minutes later, with a right slip to Lydia House being eventually put away by injector Luka. Gemma Wilkinson was on fire throughout the game, regaining her title of Fox in the Box with numerous short corners won. However, Blueharts managed to break the Badgers down with 2 goals from short corners before half time and the score was 2-2 going into the break.

The badgers regained their composure in the second half and their transfer grew from strength to strength allowing Lauren Evans, Emily Boxall, Lydia House and Ella Booth space to run at the Blueharts defence. They linked well with the forward line of Vic Boulton, Wilkinson, Beth Boxall and Hartwig-Green, with Boxall causing havoc in the opposition D. She was released down the back line and had a brilliant shot from a tight angle to beat the keeper. 3-2. Lily Hawthorne kept the badgers in the game with numerous saves un the last 5 minutes, as well as the dogged defence of Ali Deol, Millie Leonard and Baz Wilkins. Thankfully, after a period of sustained pressure, the final goal put the game to bed.

Broxbourne play Bedford next Sunday in another crucial fixture to keep their title hopes alive.

Mens 3s vs Royston 2 - 5-1 win

Goal scorers: KP, Scott & Wyatt x3
Assists: Fresh, KP x3 & Matt
Player: Wyatt

Brox 3s run Wyatt over Royston

Saturday saw the strongest outfield the men have managed to put out since December. The long awaited return of defensive powerhouse Russel Gilbert was indeed welcomed by players and supporters who braved the cold.

The side started of with a delightful rendition of favourite childhood nursery rhyme, 'ring o' roses' during the warm up, around the clubs summer seating (slowly awaiting those warmer days), followed by an intense shot box to get super Simon on his toes.

The game started off very positive for Brox, maintaining possession and moving the ball with purpose, brox managed to break the Royston defensive line down with a transition of play on the left Flank. Fin creating alot of this, lead to a delicate pass to Elliot, who then fed a moving KP to take the ball into the D and find the incoming charge of Wyatt to neatly slot home, his first of the day.

21 minutes of play carried on, with everyone on the sideline witnessing what can only be described as beautiful and elegant hockey, leading to another Brox Goal.. ever elusive and yet still very loved up Geeza found him self with the ball in the D, surrounded by Royston defender, had time to look up, spot a ready and waiting KP with a lovely weighted pass, calmly slotted home over a diving keeper.

Half time 2-0 or 2-1.. I can't really remember when they scored. It didn't make much difference, but from what I remember, the Royston attacker found space in the D and converted. Team talk was positive, forward thinking of the veteran players of the side, wanting to maintain the positive start over into the 2nd half.

From the whistle, brox once again applied the pressure whilst sustaining something of a lack lustre attacking display from Royston ( let's not get to carried away with how brilliant the back 4 were)
Another goal from the left... wyatt making his name really light up. After winning a free hit on the edge of the circle, played a short ball to KP, who held the ball long enough for a high ball across the baseline, which the umpires deemed safe, for Wyatt to bring it down into the Royston net.

7 minutes later, an over turned ball from the Brox defensive unit created another goal. 4 passes up the pitch this time. Surprisingly, on the 'Right Hand' wing. Fresh's forward thinking found an open Cranners, who carried the ball as high as possible, to find once again, KP in blind side around the back, to drive along the baseline , deep into the Royston D, square pass to the enthusiastic Wyatt. Hattrick.. 4-1

Brox was not done. They were hungry and wanted more. With the men's 2s on the sideline watching. Mullet and Scotty were in the zone. Wildcard Matt Mullet dizz dazzed his way through players, with control of the ball, like it was some sort of possession, slipped the ball through to Scotty, who then turned on a six pence, hit the ball, such precision, such power, the Royston keeper managed to get a wailing stick to it, only to see it deflect into the corner. First goal of the season, with clear intention!!
Final whistle 5-1

Mens 2s vs Bishop's Stortford 3 - 5-1 win

Goal scorers: Angus x3, Baller x2
Assists: Jack, Sully, Will, Satwick & Browny
Player: Joe
Donkey: Joe

The Badgers took on one of their local rivals on Saturday under the floodlights at Badger field boosted by the return from injury of inspirational skipper Kav.

Yet to win in the league so far this season our neighbours had the potential to be a banana skin in our quest for a top 4 finish.

The early exchanges were dominated by the Badgers with possession stats off the charts and some patient play creating a number of chances. The deadlock was broken following a fine steal just outside the Stortford D from the new look Baller, he then drove down the right-hand side crossing to the advancing veteran Will Fradley, his tame shot was saved well but fell to Angus who calmly dispatched into the roof of the net. No sooner had Brox got their noses in front they were pegged back, Stortford made a rare foray into the Badgers half and broke into the D calling Joseph into action for the first time in the match unfortunately, by his own admission young Joe “could and should have done better”, a weak save played back into the path of their centre forward was finished well and we found ourselves back level. The Badgers dusted themselves off and again went about their business, the game was largely being played the Stortford half as the Badgers pushed to get ahead but were unable to create any real clear-cut chances. 3 minutes before the interval stalwart veteran Browny collected the ball 10 yards from the D and pinged a laser like pass to Baller who deflected well and ensured we went into half time with a deserved lead.

Although ahead the Badgers knew they were playing within themselves and the call from the skipper was to up the intensity. The players duly obliged and created a wave of chances. Some fine work from Elliott and Satwick down the right hand side created chance after chance unfortunately there was some wasteful finishing in front of goal with both Bobby “I always score a hat-rick against this lot” Dyer and Jack missing gilt edge chances. Nerves were settled when Angus again found himself in the right place at the right time and notched from close range 10 minutes into the second half. Shortly after we went further ahead with Satwick finding Baller to work his magic on the left of the D, some fine stick work a shake of the hips and he calmly finished to move us to 4-1.

The game was rounded off with a fifth goal, a rare collector’s item, an assist from Fradley with a clip hit into the D, something he had never used from his locker in his 29 seasons with the club! Fortunately Angus was on hand to make the most of the pinpoint assist and duly deflected past the keeper to complete his hat trick.

A well deserved 3 points solidified 4th spot in the league ahead of a tough upcoming fixture against Stevenage next week.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 5s vs Saffron Walden 5 - 3-1 loss

Goal scorer: Teagan
Assist: Rachel
Player: Rachel & Sharon
Donkey: Milly

We had a cracking start to our away match this week. The team really pulled together and had some really cohesive, joined up play in the first half. This paid off with securing a short corner after just 7 minutes. Teagan stepped up to the D and, with a lovely right slip from Rachel E, sent it across the line. This really cheered us up after a run of less positive results!

We continued to pass the ball and create some nice (albeit still very quiet!) play. Some nice runs out on the wing created some more opportunities but we weren’t able to convert. Unfortunately, with some strong players, Saffron Walden stepped up their game and started to go on the attack. We struggled to push them back and they piled on the pressure at the top of the D.

Heads went down a little and then the marking dropped off which allowed them to get 3 goals over the line. It was a shame that it was a game of 2 halves but we really showed what we can do when we pull together.

There were numerous player votes (Fran, Imogen, Milly, Hannah, Rachel E and Sharon) but joint winners were Sharon and Rachel E. Donkey was awarded to Milly for leaving the first aid kit at the pitch. Well done ladies – onwards and upwards for our trip to Royston (aka Cambridge!) next week.

Ladies 3s vs Cheshunt 1 - 2-2 draw

Goal scorers: Hannah & Laura
Assists: Olivia & Cerys
Player: Tara
Donkey: Kirsty

Broxbourne Ladies 3s travelled to Cheshunt for an eagerly anticipated rematch, having previously defeated them earlier in the season. With Cheshunt eager for revenge and their pride on the line, it was always going to be a hard-fought encounter.

Broxbourne made an excellent start to the match. In the 16th minute, they earned a short corner, and Laura stepped up to receive a slip from Cerys. A powerful and precise strike from her gave Broxbourne a 1-0 lead, catching Cheshunt’s defence off guard.

Just six minutes later, Broxbourne doubled their advantage. A well-timed pass from Olivia found Hannah Fixter, who calmly slotted the ball into the net, making it 2-0. Prior to this, Olivia created some great space to deliver the assist. At 2-0, Broxbourne were looking strong and full of confidence.

However, Cheshunt quickly responded. In the 40th minute, their physicality on the ball and drive up the pitch resulted in them pulling one back to make it 2-1 before the break.

The half ended with Broxbourne holding onto a slim lead, but Cheshunt were clearly not finished yet, and they would come out fighting in the second half.

Second Half: Cheshunt came out for the second half with a renewed sense of urgency, knowing they needed to find the equalizer. In the 60th minute, their pressure finally paid off. A well-worked move saw them capitalize on a brief defensive lapse, and they managed to score, bringing the game level at 2-2.

From that moment on, Broxbourne found it difficult to find a way through Cheshunt’s defence. The home side employed some rather novel defensive techniques, making it hard for Broxbourne to break them down. Cheshunt's players were willing to push the boundaries with their physicality, and the game became more combative as the minutes ticked by. Broxbourne, who thrive on free-flowing, creative hockey, found their style limited by the tough, sometimes chaotic nature of the match.

As the game reached its final stages, Broxbourne pushed for a winner but were unable to penetrate Cheshunt’s defences. Despite a few more half-chances, the visitors couldn't find that decisive goal, and the match ended in a 2-2 draw.

Player of the match went to Tara for holding out against the tough opposition. As she put it... If it's skill you want not me but a fight I'm the player!

Donkey to Kirsty who forgot two significant rules of the game despite being a rather experienced player and having to be schooled on these mid match.

Mens 1s vs Upminster 1 - 5-4 win

Goal scorers: Ed, Matt x2, Toby x2
Assist: Ed, George, Hoppo, Ethan
Player: Toby
Donkey: Matt
Cards: Josh (green), Matt (yellow)

Never Say Die Badgers steal it at the death.

Brox Mens 1st team arrived to rainy Upminster on the back of a Desmond against Dereham and a win against Blueharts the week prior. Brox were rocked by the late injury news that fourth choice centre back Stanley Mason failed a late groin test as deemed unplayable by team physio Otis (the dog). This news was alarming for the 0% of the club who have him in their fantasy team.

The game started. Josh Chapman was up to his old tricks by shoving player W from Upminster. This resulted in another green card, with Josh making an attempt to make the first half somewhat interesting. End of half.

Second half began and with both teams remembering that cameras had been brought to the pitch to broadcast the game, Broxbourne forgot how to defend and conceded within seconds of the restart. With Panners frustrated on the side, he was was wishing he’d left his whiteboard at home. D1sm0nd

Despite an early setback to the half, Brox responded almost instantly with wriggly George making customary progress down the right hand side and playing the ball across to Ed House who controlled cooly and slotted the ball past the Upminster keeper, to put the score at D1sm1nd.

Straight from pushback, Upminster attacked with purpose and Matt Menear committed one of the worst fouls in history, in an attempt to break the Upminster players stick. Lucky to avoid prison time, he picked up a yellow and outrageously claimed that a green would’ve been fair. Upminster scored from the resulting short corner with crisp packet wrist Ryan picking the ball out of his goal for the second time in the space of 10 second half minutes. D2sm1nd.

Down to 10, ‘never say die Broxbourne’ hit back with some nice play at the edge of the D, with Ed House finding forward Toby House who struck a powerful reverse stick into the roof of the net making it actual D2sm2nd.

To save time, to everyone’s surprise, Upminster scored again to make it D3sm2nd.

With Menear rejoining the pitch and bringing that ‘never say die attitude’, he beautifully flicked one home from a short corner to go from zero to hero. This put the score at D3sm3nd.

With Brox on the ascendancy, they won another short in quick succession and Menear doubled his tally putting the away side in front for the first time in the match. D3sm4nd.

Enter player W. Having already received a green card for chat in the first half, he was awarded a yellow for a poorly timed Menear tackle. On his exit off the pitch, he forgot he hadn’t muted his voice and spoke ill of the umpire who had banished the yellow card. With the second umpire within ear shot, he was awarded a red card. Game was stopped for a large period of time to wait for player W to exit the facility. This long walk gave him time to reflect upon his actions which had left his teammates down to 10 for the remainder of the game.

Despite this, Upminster stole Broxbourne’s ‘never say die’ attitude as Ryan was sat down by a fake reverse stick and they were able to pass the ball into the empty net. Ryan now has a bad back as he has picked the ball out of the net for the fourth time this half. D4sm4nd.

There was still a ‘sting in the tail’ as Brox clawed back their ‘never say die’ attitude and stole it back at the death. Ethan Fox played a direct pass into the D and the Upminster goalkeeper could only clear it as far as in form forward Toby House who won it in the dying moments to sink 10 man Upminster. D4sm5nd.

Celebrations commenced in the legion post match with George reiterating Brox’s ‘never say die’ attitude giving them another vital 3 points. Short trip to Peterborough tomorrow for the wounded badgers. That should be a laugh.

Ladies 1s vs Bishop's Stortford 1 - 4-2 win

Goal scorers: Nads, Em x2, Becky
Assist: Alice, Em & Florrie
Player: Kim
Donkey: Ellie

*RMT Union Industrial Action Temporarily Derails Bishops Stortford*

The RMT Union have announced industrial action will temporarily affect Bishops Stortford Hockey Club from Choo Chooing their way to national league. Disruptions for east premier division will be in effect from Saturday 8th till the 22nd of February 2025. Further information can be found below.

While the disruptions caused chaos across the league, Broxbourne Hockey Club showed their resilience, arriving at Herts & Essex Sports Centre by car to ensure the game could go ahead. Unfortunately, Meg Saywell and Pip Evans were held up by the strike, leaving Broxbourne down two players before the first whistle even blew.

Captain Ellie rallied the team with a quick, first-class team talk to keep spirits high and prepare for a scheduled departure at 2:30pm. However, in true rail-strike fashion, the game was delayed by 30 minutes.

Filling the unexpected downtime, Laura Wills educated the team with an impromptu sexual wellness talk. Her explanation that “Smeg” is neither an appropriate nickname for junior Meg Saywell nor a reference to retro appliances left the team bemused. Defender Tor Stacey, clearly unimpressed, attempted to knock herself out with a netball post, presumably to avoid enduring another minute of this off-track team bonding session. Meanwhile, some players wistfully longed for head warm-up coach Esme to reclaim control.

Broxbourne eventually left the station with a full squad of 13 on the high-speed train. The team pressed hard from the start, piling relentless pressure on Bishops Stortford’s defense and earning an early short corner. Up stepped Em Wilkins, who upgraded her ticket to first class with a perfectly executed straight strike to put Broxbourne 1-0 ahead. The momentum continued as Florrie Pidduck showed her class, delivering a flawless assist to Em Wilkins to help the team double their lead. Bishops Stortford found themselves scrambling to keep up, stuck firmly in standard class as Broxbourne dominated possession and dictated the pace.

The first half wasn’t without controversy. Em Wilkins found herself in hot water with the ticket inspector after a verbal exchange that saw her warned for foul language. Refusing to let this sideline her, Em responded in style, delivering a precise assist that allowed Nads Wheadon to fire home Broxbourne’s third goal. With a commanding 3-0 lead at halftime, the visitors looked well on track to secure the win.

The second half began with Broxbourne forced to disembark the high-speed train as the driver’s shift came to an end, leaving them to board the slow train to success instead. Bishops Stortford managed to sneak two goals past Broxbourne’s defense, narrowing the scoreline and threatening to derail the visitors’ momentum. However, Broxbourne held strong under pressure, with standout performances from Thomas, Stacey, Tart, Scarrott and Skipp in the backline keeping their opponents at bay. The decisive moment came courtesy of Becky Scarrott, who powered through the opposition to smash home a fourth goal. This strike not only sealed the 4-2 victory but firmly secured Becky’s first-class seat with extra legroom for her efforts.

Despite Bishops Stortford’s attempts to claw their way back into the game, their promotion train remains delayed for at least another two weeks as they prepare for a slip weekend. Meanwhile, Broxbourne continue their unbeaten streak in the second half of the season, with momentum firmly on their side. Having finally claimed their delay repay compensation for early-season misfortunes, the team is on track to climb further up the table. They currently sit 7th but have the chance to gain valuable points next weekend when they face COPHC in a rescheduled match, previously postponed due to a tree on the tracks.

Player of the Match deservedly went to Kim for some truly first-class saves that kept the scoreboard in Broxbourne’s favour. Donkey was awarded to Ellie, whose repeated attempts to rewrite the West Anglia Main Line timetable became a source of amusement for the team.

Sunday 9th February

Home Fixtures

Womens O45s vs Bedford - Plate - 14-0 loss

Well I’m sorry to say that this weekend marked the end of the Broxbourne and friends coalition team for this season, Bedford were pretty handy…

Captain Baz was massively proud of how hard the team made Bedford work, especially in the second half. And while everyone gave everything they could, special mention goes to Rachel W in goal who saved an awesome number of shots and remained cheerful regardless of the number of times (14) the ball was collected from the back of the net.

This year’s cup campaign, from Teddington to two home games, has only been possible because of the enthusiasm of the squad, and in the on the pitch and off the pitch support everyone gave (special mention to Lorraine who keeps an eye on loads of important details, and to Tors Bacon and the management team who have been very dedicated).

Away Fixtures

Ladies 3s vs Blueharts 4 - 1-0 loss

Player: Olivia
Donkey: Lauren

Broxbourne Ladies 3s faced a tough battle against Blueharts, coming off the back of a demanding match the day before. With many of the team's key players being of a certain age, it is very evident that a 2 match weekend was not the one. It was always going to be a challenging fixture for the 3s as they only narrowly took the victory last time.

From the outset, Broxbourne seemed to lack their usual spark. Fatigue from the previous day’s match was evident, with players visibly slower and struggling to keep up with Blueharts’ pace. Blueharts, sensing an opportunity, quickly seized the initiative and pressed high up the pitch, forcing Broxbourne to defend more than they would have liked.

Despite their best efforts, Broxbourne struggled to create clear-cut chances. Their passing was often off target, and they couldn’t find a way through a well-organised Blueharts defence. Broxbourne did have a few half-chances, but their tired legs were unable to finish them off.

Blueharts, on the other hand, capitalised on one of their attacking opportunities in the first half A quick break caught the Broxbourne defence off guard, and a well-timed strike from the edge of the circle gave the home team a 1-0 lead. The goal seemed to deflate Broxbourne further, as they struggled to maintain possession and build any meaningful attacks.

Broxbourne came out for the second half with the aim of finding an equalizer, but fatigue continued to take its toll. The team worked hard but simply couldn’t get their game flowing. Their passing was often too slow, and they lacked the energy to chase down loose balls or break past Blueharts’ tight defense.

As the minutes ticked away, frustration began to set in. Broxbourne’s players pushed forward, but they were unable to break down Blueharts' well-structured backline. Several penalty corners came and went without threatening Blueharts’ goalkeeper, and Broxbourne couldn’t find a way to test her.

Despite a late flurry of attacking pressure, Broxbourne’s attempts to equalize fell short, and Blueharts held on to their 1-0 lead.

Player of the Match: Olivia for some great runs through the mid.

Donkey to Lauren for upsetting the opposition in an off the ball confrontation (speak to Lauren for more info).

Mens 1s vs City of Peterborough 1 - 6-0 loss

Player: Sam W
Donkey: Ryan

On the morning of Sunday, 9th February 2025, South England awoke to a cold, overcast sky that clung stubbornly to the landscape. The air was thick with dampness, with temperatures lingering around 5°C, though a light northeasterly breeze made it feel closer to a brisk 3°C. Humidity hovered between 86% and 91%, adding to the chill in the air. Despite the gloom, the chance of rain remained low at 10–20%, and visibility was generally good.

After a long night celebrating a monumental win against Upminster, Broxbourne’s star summer signing, Ethan Fox, was rudely awoken by the unmistakable sound of his flatmate Patrick’s hips gyrating to the rhythm of reggae—an impromptu early-morning dance session that, for some reason, required four rounds to complete. With Garmin dutifully informing Patrick that his “Body Battery” had drained to a concerning 5%, he finally called it quits.

Running on fumes, the duo hopped onto Lime bikes and hurtled toward King’s Cross station, the morning chill biting at their tired faces. As Patrick slurped a violently pink smoothie, Ethan eagerly awaited his much-needed sustenance: a succulent peri-peri chicken wrap with a side of chips. But trouble was brewing—the train to Peterborough was set to depart in precisely three minutes, and the chips were still roasting in the oven. With no time to spare, Ethan made a desperate plea to the staff, who, in a rare act of corporate kindness, substituted his missing fries with seven golden chicken nuggets. A fair trade? Only time would tell.

With the conductor’s whistle echoing through the station, the boys sprinted onto the first carriage just in time. Feeling particularly bold (or perhaps just entitled), they slid into first class, where they helped themselves to complimentary tea and coffee. A strong move. Well played, Greater Anglia.

But then, disaster struck. Ethan’s much-anticipated peri-peri wrap did not sit well. Perhaps it was the reckless weekend diet—two McDonald’s feasts on Saturday, capped off with a regrettable post-clubbing kebab—that tipped his stomach into outright rebellion.

As the train finally pulled into Peterborough, the boys clambered into an Uber that reeked of stale cigarettes, while the radio blared at an ear-splitting volume—an assault on their already fragile heads. Not exactly the ideal hangover recovery setting.

Reunited at last with their extended badger family, they took stock of the situation: 7 out of 14 squad members were still nursing the aftermath of the night before. And then… some hockey happened.

Ryan conceded six. Broxbourne didn’t score. Oh dear.

Silly Billy of the Day, Ryan, for obvious (six) reasons.

Man of the Match? New Sam, who at least managed some excellent Indian dribbling.

Coming up next weekend...

Saturday 15th February

Home Fixtures
10am - Mens 2s vs Stevenage
11.30am -
1pm - Ladies 4s vs Blueharts 5
2.30pm - Mens 3s vs Vauxhall 1

Away Fixtures
11.30am - Ladies 5s vs Royston 2
1pm - Ladies 1s vs City of Peterborough 1
4.30pm - Mens 4s vs St Albans 9

Sunday 16th February

Home Fixtures
1pm - Ladies 2s vs Bedford 3
2.30pm - Mens O35s vs Bishop’s Stortfor