Preliminary results of a study headed up by 2’s resident Doctor, Mark ‘Riggers’ Rigby, show that residents of Welwyn Garden City in South East England have not had to pay a penny in rent in the past 3 weeks. While analysis is still ongoing, it is believed that they have been living rent free in the 2’s heads, after another disappointing home performance left them with a massive haul of 2 points from a potential 9 since the sobering encounter on the 22nd Feb.

Broxbourne Mens 2nd team were in a rut. A 3-2 loss away to Welwyn (God damn that cursed place) followed by a 1-1 draw to Bedford, both of which had seen performances to forget, had knocked the men off course but they looked to dust themselves off ready for the next fixture in the schedule. ‘Forward’ Baller had been shooting blanks in each of the past 4 games, and was starting to feel the pressure of people, other than himself and one other, now actually having him in their fantasy team. With a slew of disappointed managers across the club sighing heavily as another measly 2 points rolled in, Baller’s lack of output was starting to frustrate himself mostly, as his foolish arrogance meant a continued trend of ‘self-captaining’ was resulting in a correlative decline down the overall leaderboard.

The logic behind the decision to self captain this week was arguably sound. Brox were sitting pretty in 4th place, a decent accomplishment considering they had been promoted the season prior, and St Albans 4’s were languishing in 10th, at risk of the drop with only 2 points separating themselves and Letchworth in 11th. Having won the away fixture 3-1, it was a fair assumption that the Mens 2’s could secure 3 points and get some goals in the process. Broxbourne is a club not bound by the laws of logic and reason however, something long standing club players know all too well…

With the Sun shining bright, the lads were up first on another busy Saturday at Badger Field. A 10am push back didn’t seem to suit most of the squad as the majority disregarded the 9am meet time. Only Satwick, Sully and GBH survivor Jake were on time. Satwick’s punctuality surprised none, the star Defender had been unable to sleep after his beloved Boston Bruins traded away franchise hero Brad Marchand to their fierce rivals the Florida Panthers. With Boston now in full rebuild mode, the immediate future looked bleak. In hindsight, that sentiment had followed the Mens 2’s to their clash with St Albans all the way across the pond.

With ample warm up opportunity being as there was no game on before, the lads set about their usual routine, but concerningly, similar to the past 2 weeks, the intensity was below par. Sensing this, El Capitan Kav and Veteran Maestro Alex Brown attempted to rally the troops with a rousing team talk. Whether it would have the desired effect would remain to be seen.

The Men’s 2’s would not have to wait long for their answer. After a bright first five minutes where the lads put together some slick passing and earned themselves 2/3 early shorties, their lack of ruthlessness in front of goal reared its head. The 2’s then found themselves being torn apart. St Albans moved the ball effectively through the lines and a lack of defensive prowess saw a tangerine man with acres of space to drive at the broxbourne backline unopposed time after time. Eventually, Broxbourne’s rather unsturdy Brick-wall broke, and although still looking dangerous on the break, St Albans found themselves 1-0 up through a well executed short corner of their own and continued to dominate first half proceedings.

A quote from the oppo summed up the 2’s first half performance, evidence to the fact they were lucky going into the break that it was only 1-0. ‘We need to score more goals now! They’re not going to be this shit the whole game’

With a slight tactical tweak to the formation, and a very ‘frank’ team talk from El Capitan, the 2’s made their way out for the 2nd half. Broxbourne did manage to find another gear, but it was akin to going from 1st to 2nd, as they once again struggled to string any meaningful passes together. The tweak in formation had paid some level of dividends however, as the Brox side found themselves more difficult to break down as St Albans continued to probe, unable to score a 2nd goal as Young Joseph kept them at bay.

The 2’s had managed to secure a good amount of short corners throughout the game and as previously mentioned, were still a threat on the break, but so far had been unsuccessful in finding the back of the net despite utilising a variety of routines.

Up step the classic, der klassiker, el clasico (shoutout barcelona native Phil Wistow). But wait, what’s the classic I hear you ask? Straight Strike bottom corner? In and Out Right Slip? Drag Flick that takes the net off? Wrong, wrong and wrong unfortunately. You should know that in current form, the 2’s most certainly do not have the technical ability to execute any of those listed. Instead, the men would secure a 1-1 scoreline with a pinball, scrappy, to me to you (Rest in peace Barry), goal mouth scramble. Even with a view better than most at the top of the D, I still am none the wiser as to how the ball fell to the capitan himself, but I also simply don’t care how it got there, all that matters is that Kav smashed it into the backboard.

The Badgers had momentum on their side for the final five minutes, and again caused problems on the counter attack. Baller dispossessed a sleeping St Albans midfielder and drove towards the D. With an injection of quick passing, the lads had secured a final short corner as the umpires blew for full time.

El Capitan Kav called for the In and Out Right Slip. Baller responded ‘Okay’ with a slight tremble in his voice. With flashbacks of Welwyn prominent in his mind, this was his chance for redemption, his chance to channel his inner Chris Kunitz in triple Overtime and send St Albans packing. Time slowed as the Master of Consistency, Will Fradley provided the injection, only for the umpire to blow his whistle and send a St Albans defender to the half way line for running too early. With now only 3 defenders and every Badger up for the attack, surely they couldn’t scupper this perfect opportunity. A second perfect injection from Fradley and close control from El Capitan Kav set the tone. Baller manoeuvred himself into right slip ready to receive the pass. He waited, adjusted his feet and waited some more. Baller would be kept waiting as El Capitan, maybe unconvinced by the aforementioned ‘okay’, opted for a left slip instead to Mark ‘Riggers’ Rigby who was left unguarded in acres of space. He unleashed a strong ‘push’ towards goal but the keeper had come rushing off his line and made a good save after closing down the space.

The attack then unfortunately fizzled out as Defensive Midfield Forward Lance was unable to get a clean shot away as recovering St Albans runners intervened.

The 2’s agreed in their post match debrief that the less said about that performance the better, and we needed to find a way to rid ourselves of the curse Welwyn had seemingly placed on us. The Badgers hope to find themselves in better form next week away to Letchworth.

MOTM went to Joseph for keeping it to only 1 goal conceded and DOTD was shared between Stu for some interesting passes to the opposition forward and midfield lines, and Your’s Truly for, and I quote ‘just shits and giggles’.

Up the Badgers.

Mens 3s vs Blueharts 5s - 4-2 win

Goal scorers: KP x3 & Russ
Assists: Tom x2, Wyatt & Elliot
Player: KP
Donkey:

Saturday saw the men's 3s pick up valuable points in the race for promotion against a well drilled Blueherts Side.

The game started off on the right foot for brox, maintaining a presence in the opposition half. All of which was not taken advantage of by the lads, failing to convert multiple penalty corners, this due to a sticky pitch, that's our story and we are sticking with it.

This changed after a cleverly won corner. The injection on this one came out gliding across the pitch to Tom who stopped perfectly for KP to flick the ball tight into the top corner.
Blueherts started to apply there own pressure and scored to equalise and bring things back level.

Broxbourne not to be outdone wanted to assert complete dominance, and again camped in the opposing half, a quick thinking Elliot found a gap to squeeze through to KP, who with a gentle touch and delicate spin, fired a shot tight into the far corner. Half time 2-1

The second half began with the crowd growing, enjoying the hockey on display.. or the sunshine, couldn't really tell as the beers seemed to take full focus.
Once again the defense line of Broxbourne stood firm in an barage of play coming from blueherts.
Broxbourne managed to regain possession and move into the blueherts D, winning a crucial PC.
Injections in this half seemed to come out quicker, and returning Russ took command at the top, slapping a fine strike into the bottom corner. 3-1

Blueherts again returned with a strike of there own bring it to a nail biting final 15 minutes of play.

KP inflicted the killer blow of the game, picking up a ball slid into the D, with his back to goal, slapped down on the ball and watched it trickle into the far corner. (This took a considerable amount of time)

Final score finished 4-2, with results across the league meaning promotion still on the cards.

Ladies 2s vs Shefford & Sandy 1s - 2-1 win

Goal scorers: Millie & Jess
Assists: Beth & Lara
Player: Millie
Donkey: Baz

The sun shone warmly down on the teams as they lined up at the badger den, one in pale blue, one in golden yellow, eyeing each other warily, unsure how the game would unfold. It was evenly matched from the off, with good passing play by both teams, however, by the fifth minute Chiltern had made a strong attack and scored…

Oh no, that’s the wrong game, that’s the ladies 4s game that I was umpiring while my treacherous team were sneakily voting for me to be donkey! How very rude!! Simply because I was so tired from an enormously busy week that I forgot that I was umpiring the game after ours…I expect it was all the people who also umpire who voted for me… and thanks for the loan of the shirt Lily⁩ I got complimented on it by the 4s oppo.

I guess our game was fairly noteworthy, but now I’ve concentrated on another game, the salient points evade me…

It was an important game, Shefford and Sandy at the bottom of the table, they had held us to an away draw in the first half of the season and we wanted the points to keep us clear of the Hertford threat, just 3 points behind us in the table.

We won 2-1 and took the points ?

Oh and I think there was something noteworthy about the goals… Jess made a super play, and landed our second goal! There was something about the first one… oh yes, astonishing demonstration that practicing something at training, then executing it in the game really works! Good call to try the new penalty corner routine, beautiful injection, slick movement of the ball out to he left and then back to the injector, well weighted cross and then a decent bundle over the line, amazing!!! Not sure who finished it in the end, but Gemma says that it might have been Millie ?

Bit frustrating that a S&S short corner sneaked in, but finishing the game ahead was what counted, as well as the calmness of the brox team given the emotionally charged nature of the game.

Recognition and appreciation go to Michelle and Jonny for their calm management of the game.

Player went to Millie for her wonder goal! Baz was donkey for forgetting that she’d agreed to umpire L4s after our game…. What a travesty ?

Next week sees the L2s travel to a late away game vs St Albans 4s, and an evening game on Wed 19th.

Ladies 4s vs Chiltern 1s - 3-3

Goal scorers: Freya x2 & Jo
Assists: Jo & Frankie x2
Player: Freya & Ava
Donkey: Ivy & Ella

With the sun shining the ladies 4’s spirits were high and ready to give it their all on the hockey pitch! The day started with the classic forgetting of where she placed all of her stuff from Ivy.
The visitors struck first, capitalizing on an early opportunity in the 5th minute to stun the badgers. However, broxbourne responded with a well-worked goal in the 23rd minute, levelling the score and setting the tone for an intense contest (include lots of barging from the opposition and the dislike of ella’s shirt)!
The relentless pace continued as chiltern regained the lead in the 35th minute, only for broxbourne to hit back again just after halftime, finding the net in the 43rd minute to make it 2-2. Chiltern thought they had snatched victory when they struck again in the 50th minute, but the ladies 4’s refused to back down.
As the minutes ticked away, broxbourne threw everything on the pitch going forward with great link ups between freya and ava and their persistence paid off in the very last second. A dramatic 70th-minute goal sparked wild celebrations, ensuring the home side walked away with a well-earned point.

Away Fixtures

Ladies 3s vs Saffron Walden 3s - 3-1 loss

Goal scorer: Cerys
Assist: Jane
Player: Olivia
Donkey: Laura & Lauren

It was a day for the history books as Broxbourne Ladies 3XI bravely took to the pitch to face Saffron Walden in actual sunshine, following their previous defeat to the same side by an even more significant margin. At half-time, the score was a heart-wrenching 0-3, but technically the team won the second half 1-0. So, really, they could claim victory in their own way.

The day was never going to be easy, especially considering the state of our star player from last week, Lauren, who was, by all accounts, still in the process of recovering from the previous night’s antics. Rumour had it that Lauren had spent a significant portion of the evening at the local village club, drinking... out of a random shoe. No one could quite figure out whose shoe it was, but the general consensus was that it wasn’t hers.

On top of that, Lauren was also sporting a rather fetching sunburn—her bum and back were a shade of crimson not typically seen outside of a lobster’s natural habitat. She explained this away as “preparation for Turkey in July,” having spent several cautious ten-minute sessions on the sunbeds the previous week.

The first half saw Broxbourne have their own chances but some great saves from the Saffron Walden keeper and a strong centre back saw then unable to finish and find the goal. Saffron Walden took their chances scoring initially from a short corner, then from some fancy skills from their number 9 saw two more goals.

But the second half was a different story. Broxbourne, feeling the weight of their first-half performance, rallied as only they could, managing to keep Saffron Walden at bay with a superb defensive display that neutralized key players and frustrated the opposition.. Then, in the later parts of the match, a moment of magic. Cerys, our very own weapon of mass destruction, unleashed a beauty of a ‘tomahawk’ that sent the ball soaring into the top corner of the net.

Notable performances again from Kirsty and also Olivia who seems to be benefiting, in the words of her dad, from Pilates. Clearly, her jet setting is building her game and making her fierce in stealing the ball from the opposition.

Despite the score line, Broxbourne did feel that they had played well and there were lots of positives to take into the final few matches.

Player of the match went to Olivia for her strong tackles and great play in the middle

Joint donkey this week went to Lauren for her antics mentioned above and Laura for forgetting her socks and nearly flattening one of the opposition

Ladies 5s vs Bishops Stortford 8s - 3-1 loss

Goal scorer: Daniela
Assists: Milly
Player: Teagan
Donkey: Hannah

Broxbourne Ladies 5s v Bishops Stortford Ladies 8s – 3-1 loss

Today was a day of mathematical conundrums…. Answers below
• How many players does it take to put on one rogue hockey shoe?
• How many times does the ball need to hit a Stortford foot before they are awarded a short….?
• How many Stortford players can Daniela get green carded in one game?
• How many times can Mia hit her head on the dug-out before realising she needs to duck?
Aside from all the maths we had to do, it was also a must-win game for us as we have found ourselves in a very precarious position near the bottom of the table. Having to do all this maths was very distracting for us – I prefer French personally!

The key for us today was COMMUNICATION! We’re a very quiet bunch you know. On this front we definitely delivered. It was a much more positive match for us and we had lots of attacking play with a much more tenacious bunch of players.

However, in the first half it didn’t translate into any goals. We fought well but, after 25 minutes, Stortford slotted the ball past Hannah’s right post with an unmarked player loitering there. The team talk was very positive as we were playing well on the whole.

The second half continued much like the first half with some end-to-end play. We were getting a little frustrated for a few different reasons which may have just affected our concentration. Daniela was trying to make a lovely run down the right wing but was being budged off the sideline (green card one for Stortford). We weren’t able to take advantage of being a player up though. So, Daniela went for another run. Again, some overzealous play from a Stortford player meant a second green card. 2 down!

Unfortunately, we weren’t able to make the most of this. We then lost Katie to the bench with an ankle injury and Teagan had to sub off so Daniela then took centre stage in defence. Stortford piled on the pressure and, with 3 defenders and Hannah on the goal line, a melee ensued. I think that all 4 saved the ball in the space of about 6 seconds. But Stortford were awarded a penalty flick when it was cleared off the line by Lorraine. Stortford sent this just inside Hannah’s left post to take us 2-0 down after 48 minutes

Francesca then collided with a Stortford player which resulted in them both ending up on the floor and Fran’s shoe going flying. Play had to be stopped while she and Teagan both fought to get it back on. Play continued and a break from Stortford ended in another hitting the back of the goal after 52 minutes.

Next was Imogen’s turn for some drama – a completely innocent tackle ended in a Stortford player falling over and then screaming at Imogen (the umpire pointed out this was an accident). But we managed to get back on track and, with some nice linked up play, Milly sent the ball to Daniela who struck from the top of the D and straight past the keeper at 55 minutes.

We weren’t able to secure any more and we came away feeling frustrated. Bring on next week!

Player went to Teagan with votes for Mia, Daniela, Sharon, Fran, Kirsty and Katie. Donkey went to Hannah for leaving home without her kit – luckily not getting far before realising!

The answers to the questions if you didn’t pick them up in the report were 2, 5, 2 and 7.

Ladies 1s vs Cambridge City 2s - 5-2 loss

Goal scorers: Em & Ellie
Assists: Em & Laura
Player: Meg S
Donkey: Bench

Broxbourne ladies 1s travelled north to play Cambridge city 2s for a sunny midday pushback.

To start the day, half of the team turned up late resulting in them being doomed to spin, to quote 2s captain Millie, the ‘stupid’ wheel. Em paid her way out of her misfortune of writing the match report, to the benefit of Al having her match fees paid for, however it was later revealed she instead spent the money on pumping more air into her car. I, Meg T, turned up last, due to pre meet warm up activities, saving Meg S from the dreaded match report duties. Before our team talk from captain Ellie, Martha gave us a great rendition of 500 miles which set the team up with great spirits. Willsy lead the way for the warm up while also carrying everyone’s sticks, there would be evidence of this if Em knew you had to press record to start videoing. During the warm up the lack of an excessively big speaker was noticed by a few individuals and Ellie could be seen trying to project the sound waves of the mini speaker into the teams eardrums.

The Cambridge team came out strong and applied pressure to the defence of Skipp, Finch, Tor and Meg T, winning multiple short corners in the first 10 minutes. There were glimmers of hope for broxbourne with the Cambridge side getting two cards early on in the game. Unfortunately the well drilled Cambridge short corners resulted in the ball getting past the four defenders and goalie Kim, hitting the back of the broxbourne goal three times. However there were some good moments of play from broxbourne with great distribution from midfielders Al, Em, Hannah, Willsy and Martha allowing attackers Meg S, Charlotte, Ellie and Nads to have some chances and win some short corners. One of which was beautifully converted by Ellie with a slap from the left. Leaving the score at half time 3-1 to Cambridge.

The second half started and broxbourne had some good play with more chances and short corners but struggled to keep the ball out of our goal with the fast Cambridge attackers getting past the broxbourne squad and being rewarded two more goals. Despite the hot weather broxbourne kept up their work rate and in the dying seconds of the game Willsy found a pass to Em who dribbled up the pitch and smashed the ball which passed the goal line just as the final whistle blew, to close the goal difference to 5-2.

Player went to Meg S for great attacking work, to her luck also saving her from paying £12.20 in fines. Donkey went to Bench who even though is on the other side of the world felt left out and wanted to get involved in the travel plans.

Next week we are back at home to play Ipswich at 1pm

Mens 1s vs Old Southendian 1s - 3-0 loss

Green cards: Mitch & Ethan
Player: Matt
Donkey: Sam G & Toby

On Saturday the Badgers travelled to Southend to play a familiar foe in Old Southendians. With the Badgers only 3 points ahead in the league, the clash could have significant ramifications for positions at the end of the season. To add to the occasion, the weather was uncharacteristically warm - a balmy 17 degrees which would become a feature of the contest about to take place. Building on the victory against Bedford last week, the message in the changing room was clear - just do exactly the same thing again. A message that is almost always easier said than done

The first half proved to be a cagey affair however it was Broxbourne who had the better chances. Slick passing moves cut Southend open however neither Ethan, Paddy or Toby were able to take their chances from close range with strikes either off target or smothered by the Southend goalkeeper. The heat though was clearly already taking its toll on the team as the substitutions rotating quickly with a streamlined squad of 13. Old Southendians had a couple of moments of their own however were unable to test Ryan. As Broxbourne rued their missed chances in front of goal, the teams went into half time at 0-0.

At half-time, the Badgers discussed continuing the good work with an expectations that one of the chances would be made to count. Unfortunately though, the Badgers struggled to find their stride. Passes began to go astray and perhaps in the midday heat, the legs started to tire giving the player on the ball fewer passing options. With Broxbourne spluttering, Old Southendians grew into the the game and a couple of sharp saves from Ryan Thomas in goal, ensured that the scores remained level. It was Southend though who opened the scoring with a moment of fortune. A long pass was played to one of the Southend forwards, who picked up the pass cleanly and, from inside the circle, played the ball across goal looking for a teammate. With the ball crossing the D in a dangerous area, a diving Matt Menear could only get a deflection on the ball which diverted it past a helpless Thomas. Broxbourne began to push forward however chances were few and far between. The best chance fell to the man you would want it fall to, Sam Groves, however an unfortunate airshot left the forward thinking what might have been. With the final stages of theme approach, Broxbourne pushed forward but were unable to find a goal to level the game and instead Old Southendians scored two well worked counter-attacking goals.

The game finished in a disappointing 3-0 defeat for Broxbourne who will need to improve their performances to ensure they pick-up the points required to avoid relegation. Man of the match was Matt Meaner who was solid throughout despite the unfortunate deflection. There were at total of 10 different nominations for Donkey however Sam and Toby shared the award.

Coming up next weekend...

Saturday 15th March

Home Fixtures
11.30am - Ladies 5s vs Shefford & Sandy 3s
11.30am - Ladies 3s vs Shefford & Sandy 2s
12.30pm - Ladies 1s vs Ipswich 1s
2.30pm - Mens 1s vs Ipswich 1s
4pm - Mens 4s vs MBDA 1s

Away Fixtures
10.30am - Ladies 4s vs Letchworth 3s
12.30am - Ladies 2s vs St Albans 4s
2.30pm - Mens 3s vs Shefford & Sandy 2s
3.30pm - Mens 2s vs Letchworth 2s

Wednesday 19th March

Home Fixture
8:30pm - Ladies 2s vs Bishops Stortford 3s

The reigns of match report round ups are potentially being handed back to Vic next week. I have been your stand in host for these wonderful two weeks. Goodnight